My inability to focus on a single thing for too long has become readily apparent recently. I haven't even opened any of my erotica chapters in over week. (and for that, I'm so sorry, to anyone waiting). Suspense building? No. That's not it.
It's unintentional. I blink my eye and another two weeks have blown by, in one incomprehensible blur.
That's not to say I've been lazy; in fact I have been overflowing with energy lately: creative energy, social energy, sexual energy, romantic energy...my brain consistently buzzing. But my ability to sit down and focus on a single thing is completely skewed. I begin writing a song, and get really into it. I lay down the beat, and a few chords of the melody. "Oh, fuck yeah. This sounds great. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, dude." I don't get bored with it, but after a certain point I feel my attention dwindling. I save the song and move on. Do I ever go back and work on the song again? No. Do I want to? Yes.
I tell myself to open up and edit some chapters from Garden of Eden (stupid name, I was drawing a blank, though), and just fucking post it. But I can't. I won't. It has nothing to do with fear, I'm not worried about the content in the slightest. I just won't do it. Instead I'll open up a blank document and describe some random bullshit that happened recently.
It's troubling. It kind of proves my inability to do something creative as a career, which makes me REALLY, REALLY sad. Deadlines. Deadlines. Fucking deadlines. I'll jump off a bridge.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think a nice thing about scattered creative phases is that if you ever do go through a dry spell, you'll have plenty of projects to revisit and work on.
ReplyDelete