College, the most expensive joke I've ever been a part of.

I woke up at 4pm today. Which, needless to say, means for the second week in a row I have missed at least 60% of my classes per week. More and more, a little voice in my head is telling me "Drop out of college, Paris. Do it, do it, do it." While many do-gooders may turn their nose up at such a notion, I can't help but think it's the right thing to do lately. It's not because of laziness, mind you, because if I were actually interested in what I was learning or doing in class, I would wake my ass up every single day and sit front and center in each class. I love and appreciate learning more than anything, but only when I'm learning what I want, at the pace I want, with the method I want.

I already fucked up my first semester. I dropped all my classes except for one, Advanced Chemistry, the most difficult of all. I put all I had into that one class, despite the professor being totally incompetent and apathetic. After weeks of studying all the lessons by myself and doing every single assignment, I took the final. I passed the class, but with a D+. A D-FUCKING-PLUS. Ridiculous. Oh, and guess what my major was, first semester? Yep, you're right, Chemistry.
That semester allowed my GPA to mingle a startlingly awful 1.67, which is exact .33 points under the minimum GPA standard that's acceptable for continued studies at the U. My undying perfectionism caused me to feel bitter and half-retarded for this, at least for a while. In order to continue as a student, I have to complete a "rigorous online academic success workshop" by March 1st. Of course, I still haven't done it. Duh, University, it's not like I'm clueless as to what I need to do in order to succeed in school. I just choose to not follow the protocol. There's a difference, a HUGE difference.

Sometimes I wonder why I really need the validation of college to feel like a capable human being and productive member of society. But, then I go back to when I was a child and the years leading up to college and I totally know why. So engrained in my parents' mind is the notion that if you don't go to college and subsequently take a job in which you are making a yearly six-figure salary, yousuckyousuckyousuck.
Let me just paint a quick picture of my parents' lives for you. Both went to one of the best colleges in Indiana, Purdue University. My father took a job in Utah, which led to him owning his own software business, selling it, and then taking a job for GE Healthcare for which he still writes the medical records software you find in hospitals around the country. Our home is filled with stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, marble floors adorned with persian rugs, a garage filled with two BMWs and a BMW motorcycle, all with prestigious detailing, modern art piece originals in every hallway and nook, magazines like Fortune and Money littering the tables...numerous things that I have no interest in, but my father claims is the epitome of success. My mother has tri-weekly appointments with a personal trainer, and fills the fridge with fine meats and organic-everything. She often comes home and tells stories of the "beautiful BMW M3" she saw in the parking lot of the gym that day. Conversely, they also come home each night and complain about how shitty and difficult their day at work was. They both tie all their "successes" back to college, and trying as hard as possible to get a degree. This wouldn't be a problem, except that in regards to all their friends and acquaintances who didn't complete college, they call them lazy and unaccomplished--peons, basically. Pompous statements like "If they didn't party so much back in the day, maybe they could be like us." and "Too bad they are so unfocused and lazy, then maybe they'd have great lives like ours." are common. Any of my attempts to convince them that life is NOT just about achieving academic and monetary success are laughed off. "Someday, you'll see, Paris, this IS what life is about." Sigh. Truly, they're the ones that pushed me into college. They want me to be like them.

I like to think of all the careers that I would love to take part in don't require years of rigorous studies---a musician, an author, various fields of artistry...or perhaps even just a basic job I'm overqualified for, as long as I got to spend my free-time doing what I love. I enjoy all the things that can't truly be taught with a curriculum. I'd be content sharing an apartment with numerous roommates who's goal in life isn't to succeed by society's standards, but rather to make their own standards. Fulfill their own prophecy and be content with being poor and college degree-less, as long as they did what they loved, and loved what they did, in their career or otherwise. Fuck the granite countertops, the vehicles, the leather couches, and the plasma screens, honestly. Fuck doing something just because you think it's what society, your parents, or anyone else would want. Fuck society telling you what makes one person better than the other. Those things are something I've been taught to work towards, but now that I realize it, I make myself sick just going along with it.

What I'm getting to is that I don't feel I need a certificate that says "congratulations, you wasted years of your life doing something you hated" in order to feel like a capable human being. Maybe it's fucked up of me to say that, or maybe I'm kidding myself. But at this point in time, I love where my life is going, and none of it has to do with what I'm learning in a classroom. I can always return to college, anyway. I admire anyone who loves studying and college. That's great, and I'm not trying to talk down to you. Nor am I trying to insult my parents when I say that I disagree with their lifestyle; I mean hey, they disagree with my lifestyle too. I just simply want to break the mold. If it turns out to be a mistake, so be it. Life is too short to take part in something that you don't want to take part in. If I died tomorrow, would I be content with how I spent the last year of my life--drooling on my notebook with boredom, mindless time-waste homework assignments in subjects I don't care about, tapping my pen on my desk, as apathetic as the professor standing in front of a slide presentation droning on about politics, finance, gravity, and the Civil War? The answer is no, no I wouldn't. Even the subject I love and cherish more than anything else, writing, is a class that's too fucking boring for me to even bother with. I love Psychology, and would perhaps like a career in that field, but is it worth the seven years of drudgery? For a job that's not only not guaranteed, but something I'd be forced into doing for the rest of my life? No. No, it's not. I live for today, and only today.

Fuck it, fuck them, fuck you, and fuck me, too.