Passion.

As I have progressed through adolescence, there has been a growing apathy within me towards anything except for drugs, drinking, and sex. To put it bluntly, there was a long while where I didn't do much of anything except get fucked up on pheromones and funky chemicals. Compared to my younger years, I was a pathetic, lush sloth. Any hobbies I had in my childhood--maintaining a blackbelt in Kenpo, basketball, art, guitar--all dissolved away into nothing, like a tab of Xanax under my tongue. With that said, one thing has prevailed, and seems to be growing in strength and importance almost daily.
A lot of people don't understand DJs. "What, do you just like, play one song and switch to another? Uh, cool." and "Hey, aren't all DJs like, e-tards who play rave music all day? Uh, whatever." are pretty typical reactions of ignorant naysayers. DJ'ing is so much more than it seems. It's not twisting knobs and moving records back and forth on the platter. It's creating a whole dynamic musical experience.
It started out with me going to raves.
I went to my first rave when I was only a naive, tender fourteen year old. I was still four years away from having a legit ID to get into Club Sound, so I just dressed like a skank and hoped for the best. It worked. And I was hooked. In my four years of raving, I saw some of the most renowned DJs in the world. The likes of DJ Icey, DJ Dean, Benny Benassi, Noisia, deadmau5, Jackal&Hyde, the Freestylers, Deekline&Wizard, Ed Solo, DJ Craze, Bassbin Twins...the list goes on. Each and every one laid down some of the most mind-blowing sets I could ever imagine. The feeling of the bassline vibrating your chest, the dirty synths kicking in at just the right moment, the whole crowd dancing, their hearts beating in sync with the pounding bass drum...I knew from the beginning I WANTED THIS. I wanted crowds screaming, people smiling and laughing, not giving a fuck about anything but what's coming through the speakers...I was addicted to the feeling. I wanted to be the one standing behind the turntables on stage, throwing my hands up, in utter control of the moods of thousands of people around me.
In 2008 I bought a pair of Technics turntables, the industry standard and best of the best. I started out without a clue, unable to create anything tangible, just a mess of trainwreck mixes and out-of-sync "music." It was frustrating, but I didn't give it up. I enjoyed the music too much to give it up. Though sometimes wanting to just sell my turntables and be up $2000 again, I tried my best to practice, practice, practice.
And here we are in 2010, and I simply can't get enough. When sitting in front of my tables, nothing else matters. I forget all my daily stresses and tribulations, and simply envelop myself in the music. Hours of my day are now dedicated to putting together new set lists, endless possibilities making each one better than the last. For once, I am actually making progress. And it feels amazing. Discovering a new epic track, and the feeling I get when I drop it through my speakers, is indescribable. It's impossible to explain the joy that comes out of remixing songs on the fly; putting together the bass of one track with the melody of another and listening to the finished product. And although I don't usually play gigs, it's endlessly satisfying to be able to make people dance, or hear "damn, this is sick!" as the chorus of an exclusive new song kicks in. I'm hooked.
At this point I've ventured beyond just DJing and into production, which is equally or perhaps even more exciting than just spinning records. Production allows for endless streams of creativity, and it's enthralling to make a cohesive tune from scratch, using only Ableton software and ideas from the darkest corners of my mind. It's very difficult to learn production on my own, but discovering new aspects of it every day makes it worth it.
It's obvious to me that through it all, music has been my sanity. My taste for it has evolved through the years, but my passion for it has remained the same. Aside from writing, this is one hobby that I want to stick with for years to come. The more skills I gain, the more possibilities I have to create something great, and the more fun I have. Simply put, I am so grateful to have found a productive hobby that brings me so much ecstatic gratification. Music truly makes me feel alive.