I have serious nostalgia issues.

There's some things that just never leave my mind, no matter how many years go by and no matter how hard I try.

I always tell myself it's great to be single, independent, secure in myself and my own emotions. It's true; it's much easier to protect myself, my heart, my mind's well being, when not in a relationship. Being with someone means being vulnerable. It means giving yourself up, throwing your heart out in the open and laying it in the hands of someone else. Whether they choose to nurture it, wrapping their fingers around carefully, or drop it and run the other way is up to them. It is a serious risk. But if the risk wasn't worth taking, no one would ever bother being with someone else.

It's that feeling of waking up in the middle of the night, warm with someone's arm limply draped around you, their chest softly undulating against your back. It's the feeling of every nerve in your body incinerating with explosive desire as you put everything you have into a kiss. It's the feeling of sticking together with glistening skin, gasping hard as you come to fruition. The surge of these intense emotions keep people constantly seeking companionship, sometimes even remaining in banal relationships to maintain at least the slightest bit of pseudo-satisfaction.

But then, I am equally drawn to the opposite end of the spectrum, as well. The prurient, evil, filthy end of the spectrum. Worrying about nothing except yourself, and your own pleasure. Grinning on the drive home from a stranger's house come morning, hair unkempt after spending hours getting fucked stupid. The utter satisfaction of waking up with the sweet taste of pussy still ripe on your tongue, as the culprit quietly snores on the futon. Beginning the night with sex-eyes and vodka shots, ending it sprawled out on the carpet, a feminine tongue buried deep inside you, thrashing with practiced skill. Fulfilling the sweet fantasy you had played in your head over, and over, and over, and over. No strings attached, skipping all the way home.

I am torn.