Maybe

I am just a lazy fuck. But finding employment lately has been much more of a daunting task, and I truly just think I know whatever job I get will be something I don't want to do, just have to do. I'm aware it's like that everywhere...but at least in a new place it seems more exciting for a bit; and if you're optimistic, you can extend that enthusiasm for several years. I mean if I have to be a delivery driver or a line cook in Utah, the robotic sameness would be maddening. But...if I had to do similar hourly wage bullshit in Portland or some Eastern metropolis (not in the midwest and not in the South) then I feel as if that would somehow be invigorating. Inevitably I will have to do it anywhere, and soon. My savings are dwindling, and it's embarrassing. In somewhere new it seems much better. At least until I figure out what I'm doing--that may take a while, or maybe not. But I need to try something different, and just go for it. I always have the possibility of college elsewhere, but something is telling me I need to just enjoy now, now, without the interruption of only a pseudo-interest. Who cares? It's just life...do it.
I'm aware that seems very irrational, but I like to have high aspirations and dreams, however misguided they may be. It's cool. I'm very aware.